I went to a rave
So a few weekends ago, I went to a rave in Cambridge, with a group of people I only recently met... and I had a great time!!
If you know me, you're probably surprised and also wondering what England has done to me.
I am too...
But honestly, England is helping me step out of my comfort zone, meet new people, and experience so many things I've been too nervous to try before.
let's break down the series of events that led me to go to this rave:
use BumbleBFF to connect with potential new friends nearby
become friends with a cool gal named Kim
go to Kim's birthday party in September
get kinda inebriated
drunkenly agree to go to the February rave and hand over cash for my ticket
You might think that with the extremely loud music, the crowd of strangers, and the flashing lights, that a rave would be major sensory overload for an easily-overwhelmed autistic like me (or even for an allistic person who is just usually asleep by 2am...) and it would be reasonable to assume so!
But, personally, two things that don't cause a negative sensory overwhelm/overload for me are loud music and cool stage lights*. So I felt confident that I would enjoy it in that regard. As for the crowd aspect, I figured that I could step outside or even just hide in a bathroom stall for a few minutes if I needed to (as I often do anywhere other people exist...)
(*stage lights from the audience perspective... it's a different story if I'm on the stage, in the lights)
Dancing to the pounding DnB music (drum and bass) was basically just full-body vestibular stimming. It was awesome! I did wear my ear defenders -- over-ear, wireless, noise-cancelling headphones -- for the majority of the time, to protect my ears from the high decibel environment. It was also good for shutting out the crowd screaming while still letting me enjoy the music. I love live music, but hate audience sounds, so if you're the same way then I strongly recommend some headphones that mute the crowd. I took them off once my group decided to leave in half an hour, and enjoyed the full noisy experience at that point, knowing when we would be heading out.
About 20 minutes in to being at the rave, I was struck with the realization that this environment was actually familiar. Though I've never been to a proper concert before, the showy lights, hype music, and dark room with other people grooving, swaying, and waving their arms was oddly reminiscent of the start of a mega-church youth service. Key differences here were that it went on for 6 hours, was a much wider range of ages, and I had vodka in my Redbull. But it made me wonder, would I have been less anxious and overwhelmed as a teen if I'd had ear defenders to wear to youth group back in 10th grade...
Only two people asked about my headphones, and I didn't feel like sharing with them that I am autistic. So I answered more vaguely. When the security guard at the entrance casually asked about them, I just said I was trying to preserve what hearing I have left. And when a guy in the crowd asked why I had them on, I said I have auditory processing issues and they help with that. He seemed chill, gave me a fist bump, and moved on.
Other measures I took to prevent anxiety, overwhelm, and ensure safety included:
wearing comfortable clothes - my closet is 97% sensory-friendly-to-me clothing at this point anyway, but some clothes are even more comfy than others so I took time to pick an outfit that was cute, practical, and comfortable. I wore a fitted-but-stretchy shirt that doesn't pull on my shoulders, loose harem pants with a comfy waistband, and a soft denim jacket for temperature regulation.
keeping valuables close to my c̶h̶e̶s̶t̶... er, thighs - under my harem pants, I wore bike shorts that have deep pockets along the outer thigh. Since I planned to leave my purse in the car, I kept my phone in the pocket on one thigh, and my ID and money card in the other pocket. My jacket and harem pants do have their own pockets, but I knew that I'd worry constantly about things falling out of those ones, hence, the bike shorts.
sticking with the group - I went with Kim and two other friends of hers who I'd met before, so while they are all new pals I still had hung out with them enough that I felt safe and excited to go out with them. At the rave, I stuck close to the group, and quickly felt at ease in the venue. Everyone there was pretty chill. I didn't experience or witness any unwanted advances from strangers, and I only had two drinks and stayed alert, just to be safe. I don't need to be drunk to dance anyway ;)
Wearing ear defenders helped keep me from getting overwhelmed by the crowd noises, and I never felt the urge to hide in the bathroom or escape. I only really stepped outside when my friends went out for a smoke break. And honestly, their smoke breaks were regular enough that they probably helped me take preventative-care breaks throughout the night, without even noticing it!
I really loved the loud DnB music! It makes me feel so alive when I can feel the bass reverberating in my chest. Whether it's the bass notes from a concert orchestra, or the pounding techno beat.
Overall, I had a great night out. Going to a rave was something I had been wanting to do for a while, but had also been too anxious to go check & one out back home. I would definitely like to go to another rave sometime, and going to a concert is still on my list too.
have you successfully stepped out of your comfort zone recently? or do you have upcoming plans to do something that's out of ordinary for you? tell me about it in a comment!
take care of yourself<3
~heather
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